There are certain experiences in life that create such a shift in energy that they are impossible to ignore. I tend to notice the negative shifts in energy and the dramatic mark they leave on my life. But there are so many positive, peaceful shifts that have lessons as well. I find that in the chaos of negativity, I learn and grow. Less often I recognize that in the peace of positivity, I pause and remember.
My summer has consisted of a lot of moving parts and I felt as if I never settled into a routine. I don’t think I was ever in one spot for more than two weeks at a time; it felt like I had no place of my own nor a place to rest. I was always moving. Add in the summer’s lack of community when vet students scatter around to various opportunities, and it creates a sneaky void.
Most of my summer felt incredibly overwhelming. I accepted several unique and valuable opportunities, and with any novel experience comes an exhausting learning curve. In light of personal accountability, I should add that I was also doing few of the things that keep my brain balanced; exercise, nutrition, nature, and connection. As a result, I did not feel refreshed going into classes. In fact, I felt more worn out than all of my time in vet school thus far.
The week before school began again, I set some intentions or rather promises to myself. Here they are; feel free to hold me accountable! I am going to exercise 3-4 times per week for just 20 minutes (more if I feel inspired). I am going to reserve at least one hour a week for play (unstructured time to create, connect, rest, frolic). I will recognize the beauty and connection in the weeds of academics by fostering curiosity and playing in the monotony of studying.
To kick start this year of feeding my soul and not just my resume, I decided to make a wildly inconvenient trip to see my best friends that I hadn’t seen in over a year. And here I am. In the same state as my best friends. The ones who love me in all of my chaos, for all of my chaos. The ones who are the embodiment of play. The ones who I have never had to dull myself for. The ones who are honest and raw and always on my side, but far from hesitant to call me out on my shit. The ones who are content sitting on the couch in silence together because being together in nothingness is healing.
I have allowed myself to let go of all school, work, extra-curricular obligations and just be present in love and friendship and connection. I literally feel as if my life is paused. My mind is off the hamster wheel that it has been on since vet school first began. I am seen and able to be turned “off”. I have no agenda except to be with my people.
It has been such an abrupt, positive shift in energy that it has startled me. I have been forced to pause and remember. My mind is not what makes me happy. My mind creates thoughts, chaos, judgments. Happiness, joy, peace come from feeding me, and my mind is not me. I am me. And “me” needs belonging, presence, and connection. As I write my very first post for a blog that is rooted in creating space for authentic humanness, I find myself being reminded of the need for this very space in my own life.
So welcome to The Highly Sensitive Veterinarian. Thanks for joining this journey with me. The world needs you right where you are, exactly as you are. ~Em
