I’ve always been someone that is rather connected to time. A lot of how I function has been very much centered around time frames. I suppose this is helpful when it comes to school and deadlines, but not so helpful when you are too ashamed to walk into class just 30 seconds after the professor has begun lecturing. Before vet school, I was a committed “if you are not ten minutes early, you are late” kind of human. But vet school changed this.

For me, vet school has warped time. I have little concept of time as much of the world experiences it. Most of my days look the same, so I rarely acknowledge what day of the week it is. I get up, I go to school, I study, I take care of emails, I fulfill my leadership obligations, I try to feed myself a couple times, and I go to bed. I find myself measuring more in “days until X” rather than dates and days of the week.

As you can imagine, this warps my days also. The days are really long but not in that they drag on. Rather, by the evening of most days, I have a hard time grasping that the morning events were a part of that same day. Paradoxically, I find myself wishing that time would slow down and that I could have more of it. I want more of it for myself and more of it for studying. When I look ahead toward a day of exam studying, the prospect of only having 10ish hours to study seems inadequate. It just isn’t enough. And as the day progresses, I am even more shocked by how fast that time is used up. Sometimes it feels methodic, but most of the time it feels robotic.

Before and as I headed into vet school, I often worried that four years was going to be too long. My undergrad felt like it lasted a lifetime. I could not imagine doing it again. As the days go on, I am realizing that time as I have experienced it in the past is not the same as the time I am experiencing now. And the time I am experiencing now is not the same as the time I will experience once I graduate. I’m finding it to be a bit silly to compare time or even worry about at all. In the end, all it does is pass.

Time is not a constant, even though a clock remains consistent. I’ve always used time as a weapon, a way to feel like I am maintaining control. As if I could ever control something so fluid, so endless. But really, time is just a tool, and that’s all it has ever been. My life would likely be a lot more peaceful if I just focused on being and doing. I mean, does time really matter otherwise?

~Em